A season of Thanksgiving

I'm sitting home alone tonight, listening to music and reflecting on the work God has been doing in my life over the past year. Almost a year ago, I remember sitting down with my parents and talking about the possibility of owning a house. Little did I know, it would become a reality only three months later. And I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the love and support I have from the two people who brought me into this world. I haven't always had the perfect relationship with my parents, but in spite of those times in my life, they have continued to stand by me - making decisions that were only the best for me and later encouraging me to make my own decisions that were equally as impactful.

A year ago I looked at a person in a new light and wondered what could be. I was petrified at the idea of even speaking to this person and every insecurity in me told me I was unworthy. A week ago I told this person I wanted to become friends and was entirely confident when it came out of my mouth - not a single feeling of nervousness or doubt. I have absolutely no clue what this friendship will represent in my life. It may be fleeting, we may be forever acquaintances, or it could be significant. All I know is that a year ago, I believed I was a person undeserving of such a friendship. And today I stand confident knowing that I am loved by God and that's all that matters. If I put my trust in him, he will walk me through this life and guide me to the relationships that are best for me. If this friendship doesn't turn out to be, that's okay. And if it does, I will owe it to the one who had designed it in my life plan from the beginning.

Fifteen months ago I made a new friend that unknown to me at the time would change my life. She came into my life before I even knew I needed her and over the past fifteen months, has loved and accepted me like no other friend ever has in this life. I've shared joys, sorrows, fears, hopes and dreams with her. I've confided in her things that I wouldn't dare share with other people, I've cried tears on her shoulders, laughed joyful fits of laughter, met her family, and been welcomed as a blood relative. I see Christ in this friendship and feel closer to Him because of it. I miss her daily in spite of seeing her often! She and her husband exemplify a strong marriage and give me hope for a future that holds the same.

In a matter of weeks, my sister will be engaged. That means a lot of things for me. For one, my baby sister is growing up. I kind of already knew throughout my life that she would be the first of the two of us to get married, in spite of being five years younger than me. We've had our fair share of ups and downs throughout those years. But at the end of the day, she's my sister and no one else in this world understands me as well as she does. She's my blood, she's my backbone and she's the only person that I can possibly love and desire to pull all her hair out in the same moment. We complete each other's thoughts and can carry on a conversation through eye connection alone. We share a bond that only sisters are capable of carrying and it makes me all kinds of mushy thinking about the day she'll walk down the aisle and officially belong to someone else. I'm so happy for her and proud to call her my sister.

I haven't had as much Christmas spirit this year as year's past. I'm known for a being a bit overboard about my love for this season and it's still there in my heart, but I think a part of me is putting my guard up because I know it's about to change. Soon my brother and sister-in-law will spend Christmas at their own home with my niece as she grows older. My sister will soon marry and have her husband's family to spend holidays with, too. No one really prepares you for how difficult the holidays become as you age. So I'm choosing to reflect on the relationships and changes and growth God has provided to me over this past year and beyond. I'm so grateful for this life He's given me and I don't ever want to take it for granted or have regrets. After all, the greatest of gifts is love. To those reading this, a very Merry Christmas to you. And thanks for bearing with me through this blubbering, sentimental post.

My Favorite Find

I am honored to be featured on Owl Really's blog this week in her weekly Favorite Find. Jamie and I met through a mutual friend in the first year I moved to Nashville and we've continued to run into each other around town from time to time. I recently discovered that she has a booth at the Tennessee Antique Mall, one of my favorite places to browse thrifted and antique items in town. She and I share a love for owls, hence her blog and booth name - Owl Really. Check out her blog post, featuring my "Favorite Find" here and be sure to visit her booth!

Words to live by

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

-Marianne Williamson

Learning Perseverance

Lately God's been teaching me a lot about perseverance. I think the number one question that non-Christians always ask is why a loving God could let bad things happen to good people. It's an interesting question to me because from personal experience, I know that every hardship and struggle I've ever faced in life has only made me a stronger person and has developed a growing seed of wisdom to take into future chapters of life. Sure in the midst of it, it's tough to swallow. But I always look back with a thankful attitude because I know it brought me to a better version of myself.

My small group has been studying James this year and we recently had a discussion about what defines joy. We circled the idea for a while and in every definition it ultimately came back to coming face to face with God. Joy isn't a feeling as much as it is a personal encounter with God. We'll never really be satisfied on this earth until we've met eternity, so it only makes sense that those glimpses of joy we do experience are when we see God.

I've been chewing on this verse today: "We boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that sufferings produce perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." -Romans 2b-5

I can remember being in elementary school and thinking about my future. I often thought about what it would feel like to be old enough to go to college and pondered that experience a lot. The funny part is that throughout my childhood, I never really looked beyond college. Maybe I couldn't grasp it because at the time, college was a lifetime away. Now, here I am nearly four years out of college and my life is nothing like I would have pictured it. I've certainly had an interesting roller coaster ride of challenges but I never would have ended up where I am had I never gone through those "sufferings". I have a lot more fight in me when things get tough, having experienced the things I have and I also have a better understanding about how to navigate friendships and community because of the grit that I had to walk through. God's teaching me endurance and building character in the process.

I had a good talk with a friend today regarding something that's been stuck in my head a lot lately. Sparing the details, I've realized I'm in pretty deep in regards to a living situation in my life and I'm letting it get the best of my thoughts. I'm working hard to keep my head from getting the best of me. Head games don't often end with good results. In our conversation, I determined that three years ago, I wouldn't have faced things with the wisdom I have now. Recognizing that I need to keep a sound mind and not let things get the best of me is all the cough syrup I need to keep moving forward. So that's why that verse in Romans is especially meaningful today. In everything I meet this year, I know God is shaping me and building steadfastness.

So that was a deep post. Let's end it by talking about the joyous fact that the trees are beginning to change colors. I love the changing of seasons! I welcome the new perspective it brings to life. And the fall festivities that follow. I do believe this means I need to take a weekend drive down the Natchez Trace soon…

Be well.